Payback's an Ed
by MasKaiHilFantic
Summary: Sometimes revenge is the only way. Rated for language.


**Alright! I'm here with another first, my childhood love Ed Edd n Eddy. I own my desire to learn and talk in English to these three silly heroes. Without them I would never even have thought of speaking English let alone write. So here's a tribute to them for giving me the chance to learn ^^ This is also my contribution to he ongoing Kevin appreciation month over at tumblr, held by eenefangirl :) Hope you all enjoy this little piece!**

 **EEnE belongs to Danny Antonucci.**

* * *

Scams—

—for some, they can be the ultimate deception while for others they are the fast track to earn quick cash. Eddy definitely was a proponent of the latter principle. However his scams wouldn't put him & his friends on said fast lane of money. Instead of moolah, his scams would lead them to having marks.

Such a similar situation had taken place not too long ago. Earlier that week the Eds tried to scam Kevin—one of their 'regulars'—into buying a fake Ipod. The device worked perfectly albeit; it played music well, the headphones were fantastic and it had some pretty good songs downloaded on it. The catch however? For one song played, the customer would have to loan them 25 cents and at the end of the week, they would have to pay them the full price of the song, being a dollar. That meant that exactly one week later the customer was supposed to pay them 75 cents. Complicated and obvious, the scam failed miserably and the Eds were paid with punches.

* * *

Sick of all the times they'd get beat up, Eddy swore revenge.

"I'm going to malice that fucker." Eddy grumbled as he and his friends hid in the bushes, spying on Kevin working on his bike.

"Eddy, the plan was doomed from the start. It's no point to swear revenge." Edd said.

"It's not the plan, it's Kevin!" Eddy replied stubbornly. "He keeps screwing our scams and beats up for no reason."

"We did try to swindle him out of his money, Eddy." Edd replied exasperatedly.

"Yeah but that doesn't mean that he'd maul us to death!" The short Ed shot back. Double D rolled his eyes at his persistence.

"Hey guys, did you know that we were helped by aliens during the war of Independence against the British." Ed chirped.

"I'm surprised he brings aliens into _history._ " Eddy scoffed.

"I'm surprised he even remembers history, Eddy." Edd remarked with a gentle chuckle.

"Yeah, that's it." Kevin sighed out, satisfied as he stepped away from his bike. He wiped the sweat off his forehead before cleaning his hands with a rag. "I think I deserve a break, maybe a cola." He said to himself with a content smile before heading off. As soon as he vanished, the Eds made their move.

"C'mon, let's go!" Eddy directed the other two, signalling towards Kevin's garage. With stealth, the Eds sneaked, slithered and sauntered towards the garage. Ed took a few bumps along the way—in one instant he even bashed into a street lamp.

He laughed his usual laugh, "Look at me, I'm Magneto man!"

"Hey metal head, move along!" Eddy chided his silly friend as he and Double D snuck towards the garage.

* * *

They entered into the murky and dusty garage, Edd immediately felt uneasy.

"Ah, Eddy! Open a window or something!" Edd coughed as he punched his chest to get the dust mites out.

"There's a fucking [garage] door behind you! Go outside and take a breather." Eddy suggested his friend, as he continued to rummage through stuff.

"Ugh, fresh air!" Edd gasped with a torn voice as he dashed outside, but soon realised that the outside of the garage was slathered in grease and motor oil. The ubiquitous smell of diesel burning combined with the scent of the oils made the environment even worse for Edd.

"Gah!" He yelped as soon as he inhaled the oil-infused air. "Eddy, I got to get out of here!"

"Zip it, Double Dweeb!" Eddy answered perturbed, still going through the stuff there.

"Eddy I CAN'T BREATHE!" Edd yelled loud enough for Kevin to hear.  
"Huh?" Kevin uttered as he immediately dashed towards his garage.

"Oh no!"

Eddy immediately put his hands over Edd's mouth to prevent anymore screams before pulling into the gloomy garage.

"I thought I told you to zip it!" Eddy hissed as he backed himself and Double D into a corner, his hands still covering his mouth.

"Who's there?" Kevin said threateningly as he stomped towards the garage. He arrived at the entrance of the garage, Eddy and Edd broke into a nervous sweat.

"Hmm..." Kevin inspected the area around a bit; he ruffled the bushes and peeked into the garage. Edd and Eddy crouched behind a stack of boxes, just a few feet away from where Kevin stood. When he was done inspecting he went towards his bike, Eddy still kept a hidden though watchful eye on him.

"No one's going to steal my bike while I'm around." Kevin mumbled to no one in particular before he went off.

As soon as the tapping of the steps quietened, Eddy slowly tiptoed into the open. When he saw no one was there he sighed out in relief.

"Come on, come on." He signalled his friend to come out.

"Eddy what exactly are we looking for here?" Edd asked as he crawled out from behind the boxes.

"Shush it Sockhead! I'll let you know as soon as I find it." Eddy said as he once again began to look around.

"You don't even know what you're looking for, isn't it Eddy?" Double D snorted at him. Eddy turned around with a smouldering stare right at him.

"What is that even supposed to mean?" He grunted.

"You dragged us here for no reason, make us enter this dirty _filthy_ garage looking for something that I doubt you even know about!" Edd reprimanded Eddy, he's had enough action for one day he thought—not that Eddy actually cared.

"I found a dragon whipper!" Somewhere from beneath the hoard of boxes boomed Ed's elation.

"Oh God." Edd mumbled rolling his eyes. As if the whole day couldn't get any weirder.

"Oh God, Ed?" Eddy too groaned at Ed's creative folly. "What on Earth did he come across that he christened it _dragon-whipper?_ " Double D asked stolidly. Ed's laugh was indeed radiant; it's not every day he names something after a dragon, notwithstanding his enigmatic creativity.

"What is it Ed?" Double D asked the obvious inevitable question.

"This Double D," instantly Ed popped up from one of the boxes holding a rusty pair of bike paddles. "I found this dragon-whipper from this box," he waved it at his friends, "see, it even has a dragon's blood on it." Then he licked the rust, making his friends grimace in disgust.

But suddenly, Eddy's face lightened up as if he had an idea. "Bless you Ed, that's exactly what I'm looking for!" A slack-jawed Eddy cheered, meanwhile Edd's face twisted into a confused scowl. What made Eddy bless Ed over finding a pair of bike paddles?

"Eddy—" Edd was however promptly interrupted.

"Kevin was working on his bike, right?" Eddy asked with his face set at the paddles.

"I believe so," Edd answered, "So?"  
"So?" Eddy turned towards his friend before a wolfish smirk spread across his features, "He had loosened his bike paddles with the gear; we'll go back and replace them with these old rusty ones!" He stated his plan before bursting into a roguish laughter joined by the clueless Ed joining in. Edd once again exhaled a deep sigh, this plan _had_ the potential to work, if only time was on their side.

And speaking of time, Edd sensed the urgency, "Well whatever you've got in plan, you better do it fast because Kevin might return soon finishing his drink." Edd quite accurately informed his friend. Eddy flashed a puzzled look at Double D.

"Jesus since when you got so much detail in everyone's personal lives?" Eddy snorted.

"Well you take a half-hour break whenever you want a drink." Edd's reply left a pregnant silence infused in the air, before the ambience suddenly turned eerie.

"I'm never letting you stay over again." Eddy murmured to himself while Edd tuned randomly.

"Hey guys Kevin's coming." Ed broke the silence with an urgent voice. And just as it was told, Kevin hurriedly strolled from the horizon.

"Quick, quick, hurry, hurry!" Eddy and Edd as the three frantically looked for a way to get out. The garage door wasn't even considered since they'd be prone to get caught red-handedly, and the door leading to the house was also skipped. What if someone was in the house? They'd not only get caught but they might fall under heavy suspicion.

Only one option remained—the small window leading to the backyard.

"But Eddy, I—" Edd tried to protest but without listening to the reason Eddy rammed Double D into the small open space.

"Yay, my turn!" Ed said cheerfully, "Shut up and get in there Ed." Eddy said before thrusting Ed into the small window which _still had_ Edd stuck in it. It's still unknown how Eddy was able to lift let alone push both Ed & Double D into the small window. Then again a desperate man can do anything when push comes to shove.

"Eddy there's no room!" Edd warned the incoming Eddy, but again not paying any heed Eddy pushed himself into the congested window with enough force that they all popped out of it. "Yeowch!" Edd screamed as they hit the ground with a large thud.

* * *

"C'mon, c'mon let's go!" Eddy said as they all hurriedly brushed themselves before escaping and headed towards the bike.

"Oh baby, square-head [Kevin] will never know what hit him!" Eddy pictured Kevin's bike breaking down as he would be riding it, and probably blaming the Eds as he'd cause a fit in the middle of town. The very thought made Eddy laugh albeit a little obnoxiously. Ed decided to join in again, always being fond of laughter in every situation.

But their laughter would soon be brought to a halt in an unexpected and expected way.

As they almost reached the bike, they crossed a small patch of grass. As soon as they stepped into the patch, a tight wire latched itself around their feet and suddenly sprang up from the lush green. In an instant the Eds were launch upwards before hanging upside down from a nearby tree.

"Wha—what happened?!" Eddy stuttered as he tried to register whatever had happened. His answer was a jocky laughter from afar.

"Kevin!"

"Ha ha, that's what you dorks get for trying to spoil my stuff." Kevin cockily addressed the poor Eds before scoffing along.

"YOU MOTHERFUCKER! WE AREN'T DONE WITH YOU! NEXT TIME WE'LL HIT YOU WHERE YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW!" Eddy threatened him while dangling in the air and waving his fist at him.

"Eddy stop please." Edd calmly suggested the angry Ed while he had his palm over his forehead.

"Hey guys, things appear upside down while we're hanging downside up." Ed gave his analysis to his already dismayed friends.

"Your brain is always upside down Ed." Eddy mumbled back before Ed broke into his patented laughter.

"Well at-least someone is assessing the situation positively." Double D remarked.

"Ed's positivity is always upside down." Eddy promptly answered, "Now help us get the fuck down!"

Scams—sometimes, they lead to mistrust, other times to fast money—

—and then there is the tango the Eds dance to, which leads to...well, you be the judge.

* * *

 **Poor Eds :( never able to success in their scams. I do hope someday they are able to con their way successfully. Well I do know they've conned their ways into my heart ^W^**

 **I hope you all enjoyed this story. I'd love to get your pwetty reviews and useful criticism :D**

 **Take care!**

 **~Machu ^W^**


End file.
